Since I get to know all this information about you, it's only fair you get to know a bit about me. I moved towns after I finished school. I lost the few friends I had and when I arrived where I am now studying, Rhodes University, I found difficulty in making new friends. At first I thought I was just shy, I wasn't sure what to say to people but I knew that wasn’t it. I’d been told that I’m a people’s person, yet I found complexity in adjusting, to suit people’s personalities.
I tried all sorts of tricks to hold conversations with the students, including watching rugby on a cold wet evening, just to have something to chip in in the next days talk. I remember during Orientation Week, pushing into a crowd of people whom I thought were waiting to be shown the varsity grounds, after a session of tea and biscuits and listening to conversations about the practicality of the Extended Studies Programme – which I knew nothing of, I realised I was with the wrong crowd. These people were government officials who’d…well I don’t know why they were here, and I don’t know why I hadn’t noticed the old faces. I know you laughing, and so am I. It was a ‘Kodak’ moment.
I thought I’d get here and find lots of friends who endeared in the same interests as me. This had never been a problem before. But this because I was confined to a certain group of friends I’d grown up with. We were one of the tightest circles of friends; never would you see any one of us as individuals. But it was time for us to part and go our separate ways.
Two weeks into the last semester, I realise, all I needed was time and settling in, I’ve made friends now, lots of them. This was a matter that wasn’t to be rushed. I now feel, I am the individual I should have been in high school.
I should sign off now, I feel as though I’ve said too much. Do maintain your current friendships and study hard to get into university. It’s an experience worth having.
Your Once Lonely Self
Uno
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
My experience of making friends was quite different, it was almost too easy because on my first day here, I was already being followed by a group of 3 scared little girls. Maybe they thought I knew what I was doing. I remember how absolutely scared I was when on the Tuesday, one of the little girls said to me, “Amanda, you and I are soulmates!” I phoned my mother immediately and she told me to stay far away from the girl. We have since become very good friends though she still maintains that we are soulmates. I have made loads of other friends since then although not all are good. You are right, the key to making lifelong friends is firstly, not to rush it and secondly, not to cling to your high school friends. People change and what they do reflects on you more that them.
As I read about your experience with making friends, I see a reflection of myself as it has never been hard making friends back home in fact I was considered one of the 'IT girls'. When I got to Rhodes, I saw a different side to me, a shy little girl who just could not fit in. I cried myself to sleep on numerous occasions and through moments of desperation unlike you and your 'extended studies buddies' I hooked up with friends who liked me for my looks and academic knowledge. Making friends in university has been quite an experience, I strongly agree with you and the only way one can survive that phase in their lives, is by taking things slow and remain true to ones self, change is only good when you learn from it. I’m happy we have both found our 'clicks' now.
Uno’s addressing a common topic tackled by first years during their first term or even semester of university. I myself experienced a similar ‘Kodak moment’ when I began to hang around certain girls in my rez because I thought “That’s the kind of group I should be hanging around!” Lucky for me however this phase lasted all of one week and soon after that I fell into comfortable complacency with the two friends I’d grown up with (It was completely by chance that we ended up at the same university…). That’s not to say I didn’t keep an open mind when it came to meeting new people, I just realized that you don’t necessarily have to look for something you already have.
Hey Gaby
The homesickness beastie… yea I know it well. The evil little tick, sucking out your will to live and be young, leaving u an empty, shriveling husk, unable to think of anything more than Mommy.
I was so eager to come to varsity for so long. But it didn’t take long for the novelty of freedom to go flop and be replaced by the nipping, nagging, niggling “homesickness beastie”. It took all of a month before all I could think about was home.
As I’ve discovered, your advice stands true: get involved and keep busy. And know that you’re not along in the epic struggle.
So long sister
And here's to beating the beastie!!
Anthea
http://www.b4thecurtainfalls.blogspot.com/
Hi Nathi, I kind of had a different experience but I guess what you said is the gerneral trend of friendships when in a new place. I made my first friend on the bus to Rhodes and we are still friends. Rhodes is filled with different people, those that definately differ from the ones you associated with back home. So the trick is to be open minded, forget all the streotypes and open yourself up to new people and new experiences. But never forget who you are in the process, a friend that changes you is not a friend at all.
Nadia James
Greetings fellow student, after reading your letter I felt that I could relate to you and I am happy to know that you waited till you got people who were worth befriending. I basically went through the same thing and yes I am now blessed with wonderful friends who appreciate my friendship as much as I appreciate theirs. My letter was basically to warn my younger self about ‘so called friends’ whom I have come to know can’t say love, through my residence mate’s pain. It saddens me to know that girls don’t embrace sisterhood and I think your letter shows that if you wait and carefully choose one who is worth befriending then you shall create the bond of sisterhood and so much satisfaction shall come. Choosing a friend is not easy but keeping one is and the friend you keep defines you, all the best cheers.
Post a Comment